Warning: This may not be the normal 'happy go lucky' post that y'all are used to. It will probably be more of a reflection post, so consider yourselves warned :) There have been a lot of things that have come up in my life lately that seem to have just down poured on me. Especially the last week. I was feeling really down about things and getting anxious and stressed. Quite honestly, I haven't really felt like myself for almost a week now. More so the last few days, but its been an interesting 'out of body' experience, if you will. I cant really describe it...the best way that almost conveys the feeling is that my heart feels heavy and I feel like I'm kinda in a funk or something...I'm not myself. This same kind of feeling happened last year when I first got my calling as Relief Society President and I was trying to figure out who my counselors should be and other things. Its a scary feeling...especially when you know that you have a stewardship over so many sisters and I don't feel strong enough to have that kind of responsibility right now. I'm not doing anything differently than normal...if anything, I'm praying, reading my scriptures and going to the temple more than normal, but I feel clouded and heavy. It went away eventually last year, but I have a feeling that it might last a little longer this time with recent events that have come up the last couple of days. I'm so glad I have such wonderful family members and friends who are kind of carrying me through this. I couldn't do it without each and every one of you. Sorry if I've been lame-o lately. I don't mean to be :)
Today was one of those days when I am honestly glad that I go to school at BYU. I know I huff and puff about it a lot and the pressures that come with it, but really, it's a wonderful place. I went to my first class today and we talked most of the class period about the Atonement and the Plan of Happiness. My teacher read the scripture in 2 Nephi that says, "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." We started talking about what it meant to feel joy in our lives and something he said really struck home. I mean, I've always known this subconsciously, but it was a good thing to bring to the forefront of my thoughts today. He said that in order to know joy, we have to know sorrow and pain. We talked about the story of Alma the Younger during his repentance process when he says that his soul hadn't known such pain and anguish, but after it was all over, he had never known so much joy in his life. As I was sitting there, I thought to myself that maybe, instead of trying my hardest to get rid of these feelings (as sucky as they can be) I need to acknowledge them and, not necessarily embrace them, but learn something more from them. When it's all over, the joy I will feel will be so much greater than if I just try going through these next few days and trying to push them away. Nothing helps me to feel better more than to serve others...maybe that's what I'll do! So, if you're around me at all for the next little while, give me something to do for you! hahaha. If anything though, I know the Lord will help me through this and that everything will be alright in the end. I'm not sure what 'alright' is just yet, but it will be. Anyway, I know this wasn't anything earth shattering or profound, I just thought I would share this little experience with everyone. I've also had a lot of people concerned that I haven't been myself for the last few days. I'm really trying hard to not show whats going on inside of me when I'm around others, but sometimes I slip up! So, to all of you, I'm gonna try to get back on my A game soon, just know that it might take some time. Thanks so much for all of your love and support. Y'all are awesome! I hope y'all have a GREAT day! XOXO
Oh, P.S. we started dancing in Irish today...its going to kick my butt. I'm so excited :)
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6 comments:
Sorry you're going through a rough spot now...that's never any fun! Whenever something bad happens to me I remember that quote from Return to Me where the cute Grandpa says, "Just remember...it's to the strongest character that God gives the most challenges to." Love you, girl!!!
I've been in a funk too so I feel your pain...what's the deal with that anyway? And seriously, amen to what Alicia said, you can do it, you are strong and you'll figure it all out. In the meantime, eat lots of oreo blizzards, that's what I've been doing, and it makes it a little easier!!!! :) Love ya babe!
My lucky stars, an oreo blizzard! That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that before? It's one of the things that never fails to bring joy to my heart. Well that, and Vanilla Ice. hahahah I love you both! Thanks for everything XOXO
I think you're an incredibly strong and sweet girl, Tara. Thank you for sharing both your fun-loving and humbling experiences. Now put on your NEW dancing shoes and get yourself a Blizzard! And some coconut cakes. *B
I'm so glad that your class gave helped you put this sucky time into a perspective that helps you. We can't always change what's happening but at least we have some control at how we look at it. Can we have another girls' night and go get blizzards together? I think I need one too :). Hang in there!
Sorry my little Bandaid is having a rough time. I get into these "funks" every once in awhile and then I realize how much good I have in my life, like you! I think you are going in a good direction with it all though. Love you girl! Hang in there!
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